Bangkok Craziness - or - Why I Prefer to See Men in Skirts

I can finally join the not-so-exclusive club of now-aging GIs during leave from Vietnam, of dreadlocked hippies in search of enlightenment, of cast and filming crews for least two James Bond movies, of sex tourists, and elderly adventure tours, and college kids on spring break and middle-aged middle-class suburbanites who wanted to go somewhere 'exotic' for their two week vacation: I spent my first real weekend in Bangkok. I figured that, after 3 1/2 months of being in Thailand, it really was becoming rather embarrassing that I hadn't even seen the infamous capital. So, I decided this weekend was as good as any, and, with visions of Starbucks and Burger King dancing in my head (seriously, where do these bad hamburger longings COME from, anyway?!), I hopped on a bus and made the nine hour trip down. Ran into a bit of a snag when I discovered that Kao San Road, boasting nearly hundreds of seedy backpacker hostels, was utterly and completely filled to the bursting point. Again, I found myself at midnight, in jammed packed streets of a sprawling, massive city... homeless. I weighed the pros and cons of sleeping in the corner of one of the plenteous all-night bars with wandering the streets of Bangkok until dawn. Thankfully, I didn't have to make that decision when I found the ONLY hotel in Lonely Planet that wasn't booked and happened to have a room. The fact that it was a 30 minutes moto ride on the other side of town deterred me not in the least. By the time I checked in, after lugging my backpack around for 4 hours, I was equal parts annoyed, exhausted, and grateful.

Bangkok was funny place to be over the weekend. Still on edge after the the New Year's bombings, and because there was a holiday on Saturday, many were afraid there would be more attacks. So, to forestall would-be bomb depositors, authorities removed all of the... trashcans from the city. That's right, up and down town every street in Bangkok, tourist and residential and commercial areas alike had tidy and not-so-tidy little piles of trash lining the sidewalks because there were no trashcans anywhere to be found. It's seems like an odd - but arguably not ineffective - way of preventing bombings. As it were, there were thankfully no bombings on Saturday. The "tourist police" on the other hand (seriously, that's what their uniform says!), were quite busy wandering up and down Kao San Road busting little stands making and selling "Student ID cards! Diplomas! Visas! While U Wate". A creative idea, that. Unfortunately, the tourist police got to them before I could get that master's diploma I'd been wanting...

I went to what is possibly the most ridiculous mall in the entire world. I realize I have yet to visit every mall in the entire world, but I would bet Thai baht that this one would be in the running. It was eight (8) stories - the cinema took up two floors! It took nearly twenty minutes to make it from the top to bottom! The other floors were Versace, Armani and... KFC where I was able to eat the mashed potatoes that I have been craving forever. And an Oreo blizzard from Dairy Queen... Mmm.. There really were thousands of people at this mall - really nice looking people. The Thai have mastered the art of looking good, for sure, the women were polished and perfect, in their high heels and perfect makeup; the men in almost too preppy clothes (no man sarongs here!) and trendy hair. I felt too much like a dirty Peace Corps volunteer with duct taped sandals to be mixing with all of them. I did watch the Jennifer Connelly, Leonardo DiCaprio film "Blood Diamonds" - a disturbing look at the global diamond trade and how corrupt sellers and ignorant consumers create a market for diamonds obtained through conflict and bloodshed of the nationals from where the diamonds originate. Watch it. It will put a holy fear of diamond buying in you.

On the way out of the mall, I walked right into the middle of honest-to-goodness models in a real, live photo shoot. As much as the idea of the whole modeling scene makes me want to gag and puts me on a very tall soapbox, I have to admit that I was a bit star-struck and stood and watched for several minutes before peeling myself away.

So, upon reflection of my First Experience in the City of Angels - it's opulence, extravagance, presumption, and, yes, charm - I think I prefer a simpler life. A life without eight story shopping malls, Dolce & Gabana, Ferraris, pretension... Yes, I think I prefer gritty, authentic, little Mae Sot, with it's 3 traffic lights and four 7-11s, where men are completely content... to wear skirts.

Zipping around on a moto (not the safest idea in the world, probably)